Maria

Her flawless skin, her eyes as blue and as deep as the sea, her long flowing brown tresses, her smile as captivating as the moon, there was no one who didn’t stare at this goddess looking woman dressed in a blue dress, which complimented her tall slender figure, I looked nothing like her, why did I even want to come talk to her, why did I call her? I was dressed in a pair of jeans and a shirt, I didn’t have long flowing brown tresses, neither did I have a tall slender figure, my eyes were big and bulky, nothing captivating about my smile and no my skin was not flawless, I couldn’t muster up the courage to talk to her, “how can any man not be enticed by her beauty”, I said to myself.  I went to up to her, “Maria” I said, she smiled, she looked even more beautiful up-close , I beheld a goddess, for a second there I felt  like a pebble in her shoe, “ I am his wife, John’s wife”, “hello, Annie, sit” she said, and like a  good little girl I sat down, I was nervous, my heart was beating fast,  I was feeling insecure but I had to say those things to her, I was even ready to beg and plead, get down on my knees. As I was about to speak “ I am sorry, I didn’t know,  even if did know, I guess I pretended not to know, he is a great man, and an amazing lover  I am in love with him and I don’t know what to do about it” she said. Right there I wanted to slap her, snatch out her beautiful brown hair, leave a scar on her flawless face, I wished to tell her: he is my husband, how can you sit in front of me and tell me he is an amazing lover, he is not a great man, if he was he would have never cheated on me, no he is not great, he is just a lost little confused boy.  I have been married to him for 5 years now, I do his laundry, I get his breakfast ready on time, I cook his dinner, I am his friend, his confidant, his lover, I wake up next to him every morning, I have taken his severity,  I have shared his joy, who are you? Who are you to destroy our marriage? I wish I had the courage to say all this to her.  I wish I could tell her the story of us, of John and me. When I was 21 he took me a beach in the middle of the night, “Annie, stand right here on the sand, and dig on this spot” he had said, “Are you crazy, you brought me to a beach at 12.30 in the night, to dig? Are you serious? I had told him, “Stop asking questions and dig, will you?”  I told myself “why not I dig, I am here already”, so I started digging with my hands, I hadn’t dug that far, suddenly my hands felt a wooden box, buried underneath the sand, I started to get curious, excited, I wanted to know what John was up to, “what is this?” I asked him, “well open it” he said I did, inside that big box was another box and  inside those two boxes was a third box, I was getting irritated with this stupid game, I looked at him angrily, he smiled and pointed towards the small box with his yes, I opened that small box, and there was a letter written on perfect piece of paper, it even smelled good, the letter was addressed to me, it read:

“I cannot give you a fairy tale love story, I cannot give you all the riches in this world, I cannot be perfect but every day I will try to perfect my imperfections, I will try to love you more and more every day, I will be honest, I will be faithful, I will never look at another woman, and when I do I will come and tell you, I will not lie or cheat, I will never let you down.

Annie Dawson, you complete me, you make me want to be a better man, this life wouldn’t be worth living if it wasn’t for you, I want to be the father of your kids, I want to sleep with you forever, marry me, be my wife, will you?”

I looked at John, with eyes full of tears yet hopeful, under the moon lit night; he got down on his knees, took out a ring and asked me to be his wife.  I couldn’t stop crying, I was happy, I was getting married to the love of my life.  “Annie, your coffee is here” said Maria, his lover now, and from my beautiful past I came back to the present I didn’t want to acknowledge. “Maria, please don’t take my husband, I can’t live without him, he is my happiness, I have built my world around him, I am begging of you please don’t take him. You are beautiful, I am nothing in front of you, no matter what I do, you are always on his mind, he takes your name even in his sleep, he doesn’t even look at me, he doesn’t even see me cry.  Maria, you will have your choice of men, but I cannot open my heart to any other man, please let him go, you don’t know how much he means to me, my happiness depends on you, please Maria I am begging of you please don’t take John, I know he will come running to your arms but please let him go” I blurted out these words like bullets,  I cried miserably, I was trembling, my heart was pounding in my throat, my happiness seriously depended upon her decision.

“Annie, I can understand what you are going through, but I am no god, I am  human, I too have a heart and that heart beats for John, let him choose, don’t ask me to let him go” she said.

I sat there staring at that woman’s face, “he will never choose me” I told myself, I wanted to die right there, suddenly my entire world had collapsed , I was numb, I couldn’t feel or hear anything. It was over, she was not going give him up, I had to let him go, I couldn’t fight for him, I was tired of fighting, I could never compete with her, she is the one he wanted now, I was not his woman anymore, I got up to leave, she said “ I am sorry”, I looked at her, she had no regret, she was heartless, she knew before the day would end he would be standing at her door way, I could see that in her eyes, “Just the way he ran from me, he will run from you too, that day you will feel what I am going through now, I hope you will be able to live with him, good luck” I said, for a moment there I looked at her, was she the same woman I thought looked like a goddess, she looked ugly now,  no matter how beautiful she was outside, her inside was ugly, I stood there shoulder to shoulder with her, and felt no less, I didn’t have her beauty, I didn’t have John, I was sad but I felt beautiful, I felt happy to know I was his first love, I was the first woman he gave his all to, she was his second, but I was, I am and I will be his first, I said to myself,  “Good luck Maria” I said and I walked