Marriage is commitment, happiness and bliss only if you get to spend your life with your soul mate but if you end up with the wrong person, well....
“I have been married to him for 30 years, at times it feels like I could have done a lot, lived my life, studied more, become independent, but I love him and I have no regrets”, this is what my mother said when I asked her about getting married to my dad. Marriage is a long term commitment, especially in our society and culture. Once you tie the knot there is no looking back. As I sit down to write this article, I wonder, “Thirty years of your life with the same person, or even more!” There must be times when you feel like “Oh my God, is this it?” but at the end of day, you look at the house you nurtured into a home, you look at your children, you look at his face, and then all your doubts leap out the window and walk out the door.
A gamble
“Marriage: a social union or a legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationship; usually intimate and sexual are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union is often formalized by a wedding ceremony, which may be also called matrimony”. Well, this is a hardcore definition of marriage. For some, marriage may be a social commitment, for some it may be a bondage, and for some it may be the prospect of spending the rest of your life with the person you love, wake up next to him every morning for the rest of your life. Marriage is commitment, marriage is happiness, marriage is bliss if you get to spend your life with your soul mate but if you end up with the wrong person, well, life just might be a living hell.
A single girl’s point of view
When a woman marries, she marries not only a man but his entire family. She has to give up her old ways and espouse new ones, she not only plays the role of a wife, she also plays the role of a daughter, mother, and a friend. Getting married is something that most girls dream of since childhood and at the same time, most dread it. It changes your life, it changes you. I guess it is not easy for men either; they are burdened with responsibilities, getting married may seem to be a simple affair, but well, it comes with a lot of obligations and consequences. According to what I have heard, getting married for men means they become captives, they feel their freedom is gone and their life has suddenly come to a halt. Commitment is not easy to give, trust is not easy to build, love is so difficult to share, and respect is not that easy to earn. And all these ingredients make a perfect non-materialistic marriage. Here I have mentioned “non-materialistic” because we all know how much importance materialistic gain is to all of us, if we think only love will keep us alive, well we are not that naïve!
I am no expert on marriage, I am not even married myself, and frankly just the thought of getting married at times is so alarming. I am not saying that I would never get married, eventually I will, when I feel the need to get married. By need I mean, when I am ready to settle down with one person and devote myself to making “our” lives beautiful. I believe many women at my age feel the same way, we are independent, and we don’t need a man to complete our lives. In a few cases we do, but loving yourself first and knowing your worth is more important before submitting yourself to someone else. I am using the word submitting because once you get married; it is not always about you, it is about us and our family.
To be or not to be - married
Marriage: a happy and a holy fashion, in which two people who love each other rest on the same pillow, but for how long? I believe there is always the so called “honeymoon period”. For three or four years of marriage – maximum! After that sleeping on the same bed might be a problem for some, let along sharing the same pillow. I have been raised up in a home where marriage is blissful. My mom and dad are happy (still) with each other, my dad does not eat food cooked by anyone else besides my darling mom and she has to be around him always. When I asked him, “After thirty years you still feel the same way for her?” he replied, “I am dependent on her, she is my better half, and this life without her is unimaginable and better yet, she is given me the best gift ever, my daughters”. Seeing the love between my parents I wonder will I be this happily married, my friends say I am not the marriage material kind, and to some extent it is true. But it does not mean again I would never get married. If getting married means being happy like my parents I would take the leap any time, if it means having your children and still be romantic with each other, why not? Children bring that extra dose of strength in your marital bond. They are the force that pulls the two together again and again.
Compromises galore
Marriage needs everything, it needs financial security, trust, honesty, respect, understanding, love and even if one of these is missing, your marriage might not be as beautiful. Marriage requires you to try hard every day; it is all about trying and compromising, compromises by both husband and wife. It is Holy Communion between two people who decide to spend each and every day of their life together. I salute those who have are married, and are happy with each other, I salute those who control their temptation and I salute those who try every day not to break the bond of marriage. And for those who are a little skeptical like me: marriage is a bond like any other bond that matures slowly.
Success in marriage does not come by finding the right mate; it comes by being the right mate. It requires a lot of patience, time and compromises. A long marriage is like two people trying dance duet and solo at the same time. You have to give each other space, getting married does not mean that umbilical cords are tied together. More marriages might survive if the partners realize better comes after the worse. I am saying this because well, there are always two sides of the same coin, and the biggest advantage of marriage is when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, you will be together till you fall in love again. Hopefully.
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