“It was raining that day” she said, “but it was no excuse for you to show up late, everyone was expecting you to be there, why don’t you get it, you are a part of my life now, you have to be better, you can’t get away by being yourself” said he, “and what’s with the dress? I don’t like it” “everyone else is wearing it” she mumbled “if everyone else is acting crazy and parading half naked doesn’t mean my woman should do the same” he shouted, ‘but it’s not…..’ even before she could complete her sentence, he demanded “go change into something else, and don’t wear that color, red makes you look cheap”
He didn’t notice tears rolling down her eyes; he didn’t realize the sharp edge of his words had bruised her fragile heart, again.
24th of October, tonight they celebrate their 3rd anniversary, she remembers the day when he held her hand and told her “red makes you look like a princess, I can’t take my eyes off you”, he told her once she should never let that color go and today he said cheap, red made her look cheap.
“Are you trying to change your entire image? It is not going to happen overnight, some people just don’t get , they can never change, no matter how hard they try they can’t look good” he shouted, she came out rushing, with a bleak smile, stood in front of him, waiting to hear the words that could brighten up her night. But all she got was “finally!”.
Things always hadn’t been that way; he was the most loving man, every day he swept her off her feet. They met when she was starting out her career as a journalist, and he had already established himself in the business world. It was love at first sight for him, but for her it took 3 years to realize his existence. The second time when they met, he looked at her, smiled and said “are you just pretending not to know me? she got up from her chair and before walking away she said “I don’t like your face”
Her face brightened with a smile, she looked at him with eyes that longed for the look she saw when he first met her, “I don’t get why do we have to go out for dinner, when you could have just made something at home?” he said, her smile disappeared, “honey, it is our anniversary” she said, he grunted “it’s not like we are married, at times you make feel so claustrophobic, I don’t think I can do all of this anymore”. She knew if she said something, one thing would lead to another and she would have to face his wrath, so she chose not to say anything. She laid back in the car seat and drifted to the time when sitting alongside him was fun, when he held her hand as he drove, when he told her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her.
“You made me wait for 45 minutes, and I waited, I can’t believe I waited” he said smiling, that was the first sentence he spoke on their first date, she smiled and said “too much traffic, I am sorry”. “You know, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and it was three years back, I am sure you don’t even remember meeting me”, she laughed loudly and said “I thought you were arrogant, and I had said to myself, never in my life will I meet this guy again, and now here I am sitting next to you, and thinking what next”.
“We were so much in love”, she said to him as he was driving, “what happened to us”, “life happened” he replied, “remember the place where we had our first date, let’s go there” she said, he looked at her smiled for the first time that evening and said “you never give up do you?” “This, us, we is not going to work out, I can’t pretend any more, I can’t force myself to love you”. She wanted to say so many things, she wanted to ask him “what about me, what about all the promises you made, just because you think you don’t love me anymore, it has to end, I still love you, doesn’t it matter?” But all she said was “no you can’t, I am sorry I am making your life miserable”. They reached the place where they had first met, she sat down, thinking he will never feel the same way for her, she was not who he wanted now, he wanted to be freed. ‘Drink, what do you want to drink?” he asked “Umm, a glass of white wine, you choose please” she said. He took her hand and said “I am sorry, I am so sorry, I am not a good person and I don’t deserve you, don’t waste your heart on me”, she fought him, she denied it, she cried and she begged him to love her again. “Tonight is our third anniversary, why are you doing this? he laughed mocking her and said “3rd anniversary, are you serious, for the past year all we have done is fought, don’t you get it we are not meant to be”. She tried hard not cry, not to be vulnerable, she didn’t want him to pity her anymore. The waiter came with his vodka, and her wine, “so what do you want to toast to” he asked, she thought, for five minutes she didn’t say anything, and as he was about to take a sip from his drink, she said “ thank you for taking me in, and being with me for 3 years, I love you so much it hurts, and all I want is you to be happy, so here I raise my glass and toast to your freedom, you are free, happy anniversary”.
She got up and walked away, deep down inside she hoped he would run to her, try and stop her, she wanted him to do that, she wanted him to realize he loved her, but no he didn’t, he just sat there, and watched her walk away. She waited every day for one call, she waited to hear him ask her to come home, she waited and she waited, but he never called.
“Mam”, she is startled by a voice, she raises her head slowly from her chair, wipes her tears and says “yes”, “your fax has arrived, I am done with everything, its 24th of October my daughter’s birthday, can I leave a bit early today?” She smiles and nods her head. “It’s been a year already” she thinks to herself, as she walks out her office and makes way to her car. She wonders, did she miss him, did she still love him and did she still hope he would come back. She opens the door to her house, walks to her room, opens her closet and pulls out a dress, she puts on her makeup, brushes her hair, puts on her dress, wears her favorite shoes, she takes out a bottle of champagne, pours a glass for herself, and stands in front of the mirror “Natasha, no, red doesn’t make you look cheap, red makes you look like a princess and you deserve to be treated like one. Happy anniversary, happy freedom, happy anniversary Natasha”
No comments:
Post a Comment