Part-3

It’s been almost three months we haven’t spoken to each other and today I am going to see her may be when she sees me she will change her mind or may be I when I see her I will change my mind only god knows what will happen. I am nervous even to get on the plane, thank god I chose to fly first class at least I will have room to be fidgety, I will have space for me and my thoughts. They have already announced my flight, first I fly to Qatar and after a transit of 8 hours I fly to Washington Dulles Airport. I am extremely nervous and I am pretty much anxious as well, I wonder how she will react when she sees me, she did say she loved me but that was long ago. I haven’t heard her voice for ever. I have a fondness for her voice, it’s not very pitchy, it’s kind of deep yet it’s melodious, she stresses on odd words, at times it sounds like she is singing, I can hear her talk all day long, I can look at her all day long the rest of my life  if she would only let me, give me the chance. She is not very tall, her legs are slender and long, she has a mole behind her neck for me that’s one of her sexiest features, her eyes- oh her eyes they are big, intoxicating if I was a poet I would describe her eyes in every verse, her lips I think they taste like strawberries, I wish I could kiss her beautiful lips, I wish I could hold her, sleep in the comfort of her arms. They let first class flyers in from a different entrance, not many my age are flying first class today, I really don’t care all I know is this is going to be the longest 24 hours of my life. A beautiful air hostess welcomes us inside the plane with a bright smile, she is wearing red lipstick matching her out fit, she is very pretty. There is a gentleman in front of me he looks like a business man, his face seems angry and he is in a hurry to go sit. I nod at the air hostess, no pretty face can distract me at this moment, my mind is occupied with her thoughts and only her thoughts. My sit is comfortable, I have long legs, thank god I can stretch them. One of the air hostesses comes with warm towels, why do all air hostesses look the same, same make up and uniform I guess, she smiles at me, I nod “Sir” she says and hands me the towel, I need something to relax so I take this opportunity and ask for a glass of cognac, some brandy in my system will help me calm down. I drift into my thoughts as the plane takes off. Qatar airport is huge and the first class lounge is amazing, I need some rest I need to look fresh and alive.

As the plane touches the runway of Washington Dulles airport my heart is in my throat. I just want to get over with it, my heart is stuck on her but if she doesn’t want me I guess I will be all by myself.

Mark my best friend of 6 years has come to pick me up at the air port, he drove all the way of Pennsylvania, he has been making all the arrangements, I will be staying at his Uncle’s house, he didn’t want me to stay in a hotel, since we will have the house all to our selves I really don’t mind. Mark is my bro. We attended university together. Mark is a good looking dude, I am not gay, I am just saying. He is a brunette, tall, a little buffed up, his good looking genes comes from his parents his mother is an American and his dad is Russian. As we enter our house for as long as we live there it’s ours, I seem to have zoned out, I can’t think, hear or speak.

“Dude” Mark nudges me

I get startled.

“What?” I ask

“You came all the way for her? What if she doesn’t feel the same way for you?” he asks, concerned.

“I want to take my chances, what if she does feel the same way?” I say, I further add “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting for not trying, not letting her know how much I love her”

Mark laughs. He is never heard me talk about love, I have had flings but I never thought I would fall so deeply in love.

Mark’s girlfriend Zoya is amazing, they have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. They are engaged, getting married next month. Zoya is tall, petite, black hair, grey eyes, long nose, and lips that match her eyes and face. She greets us at the door, she plunges towards me and gives a tight hug, her embrace tells me she knows and she is very concerned. She gives me that reassuring smile; her expression tells me everything will be alright. She has prepared an elaborate dinner, I am not very tired and surprisingly I don’t feel jet-lagged, Mark offers me a bottle of beer, we sit at the porch talking about his wedding jitters, Zoya joins us and he stops the wedding conversation.

“When are you going to call her?” Zoya inquires

“Tomorrow” I reply. I have to thank Mark for getting me this number, I am glad my best friend is responsible. Actually, if need be I would do the same for him.

Tomorrow- I hope she agrees to see me.

Before dinner I decide to take a shower, Zoya takes me to my room, before leaving she sits on my bed, holds my hand, squeezes it gently and says “I have never seen you do this for any one, I bet she is very special, I can’t wait to meet her, I hope she feels the same way”.

I hope that too, I say to myself.

After dinner I feel really tired, so I decide to hit the sack. I am restless; I decide I need to call her tonight, actually right now. I am nervous even to dial her number. People think us men don’t have emotions, we do, but we choose not to show them, I am scared, I have never been this scared of anything. I love this woman, I really do, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I call her.

She answers, “Hello”

I haven’t heard her in so long; I have missed her so much. I love her voice.

Scared, I call her name “Arpita”

She is mum. I guess she still recognizes my voice.

Before I say anything, “Where are you?” she asks

“Here” I say

“Here as in Virginia?” she asks, nervous or excited I really can’t tell

“Fairfax” I reply.

She is quiet now.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I ask

“I have to go to work” she replies

“For dinner” I say

“Around 8” she replies

“Sounds good, did I disturb you?” I ask

“Oh, no, I was getting ready to go to bed” she answers, “can I ask you something?” she says

I know what she wants to ask.

“Why are you here?”

“Mark is getting married, I am one of his best men” I reply

“Mark your best friend that I have never met?” she says and even before I can answer she further adds “That’s the only reason?”

“No” I answer

Both of us don’t say anything for a while.

“I will see you tomorrow, you must be tired, sleep” she says

I want to talk to you! I can only think and not say it out loud.

“Good night” I say

I lie on my bed, wide awake, tired yet I cannot sleep. All I can think of is tomorrow; I can’t wait to see her. I don’t know how long have I been lying awake, suddenly my phone rings. I check to see the time it’s only 11.30 and it’s her on the phone.

“Hey” she says

Is she crying? I can tell she is crying. Damn it- it’s my fault, I know she is crying because of me.

“Is everything alright?” I ask

“I want to see you, right now” she says

I am stunned.

“Give me your address” she demands

I give. See you in half an hour she says and hangs up

I jump out of my bed. The first thing I do is look at myself in the mirror, uncombed hair and I am in my pajamas. I don’t look as bad as I thought I was looking. Time seems to move extremely slowly, I have already finished drinking a bottle of beer as I reach for the second one my phone rings again.

“I am standing outside” she says

I run and open the door. There she is- the love of my life.

She is in her green track pants, red top and red flip flops, quiet an odd combination but she still looks good. Her nose is pink; her eyes tell me she has been crying for a few hours now. I take her in; I don’t know if I will get to see her again. She literally jumps into my arms and takes me by surprise. I take her in my embrace; I never want to let her go. She sobs, she punches me and she sobs.

“I am here to fight with you but first at least have the decency to invite me in” she says in her half crying half smiling voice.

I smile, she comes in and I take her to my room. I don’t want my friends to wake up and I don’t want them to see her this way. I come to the kitchen to get myself another bottle of beer, she is not a beer drinker, so I check the kitchen cabinet to see if they have wine, yes they do- Pinot Noir- I pour her a glass.

She is lying on my bed as I enter my room.

“This pillow smells of you” she says looking at me.

I sit next to her-I want to hold her hand- I want to hold her- but I don’t- I patiently wait to for her to talk- I know she has a lot to say.

“Why now, Nischay?” she asks

I love it when she calls my name. But right now it’s making me nervous.

Why now? What do I tell her? The truth- I suppose.

“I am here because I want you- I have always wanted you- I am here because I had to see you- when you told me “we” will never work out I felt the earth move from my feet- I had to come here myself and see if “we” will ever work out or if you were right” I ramble

She looks at me, comes closer, touches my face, plants a gentle peck on my cheek, hugs me tight and starts crying.

“Couldn’t you have come earlier? You don’t know what I have been through in the past three months, you don’t know the things I have done to get over you, all those men I went out with, I even got a tattoo, the pain in my heart was unbearable and I wanted that pain to transfer else where” she says

A tattoo, interesting- she is full of surprises.

“When you called I was ecstatic, then I saw the man lying on my bed” she says

The man lying on my bed, I repeat her sentence in my head. Am I too late? Will I never be with her? Fuck!

I don’t say anything, I can’t say anything.

“I have been seeing him for a month now” she says

“Do you like him?” I ask

“He is a very nice person” she replies

“He is very nice and I like him are two different things” I say

“Yes, I like him” she says

How do I react?

“But Nischay, my heart is stuck on you; I thought I would never get to see you so I did what I thought was right, I love you very much” she says

What do I say? There is a man lying on her bed and here she is in my room, in my embrace telling me she loves me. I told her once I love her in every form-every way- I guess I meant it.

She pulls from my embrace- she looks at me- I gaze into her eyes- I lean towards and plant a soft kiss on her lips- she kisses me back- I have always wanted to kiss her but I never thought I would have this passion and intensity.

“This is not right” she says pulling away

“Why?” I ask

“I have another man in my house and here I am kissing you- I feel like a whore” she shouts

“YOU ARE NOT” I almost shout

“I have to figure this out” she says

I try to hold her but she pulls away

“I have to go” she says

I beg her to stay, my heart is on my throat what if I don’t get to see her ever again, what if this is it. I just stand there helpless- she looks at me, leans and plants a swift peck on my lips- I love you Nischay Rana she says and walks away!

Part-2

The bed smells clean, it’s soft, I don’t want to get up. Something smells really good, food? My stomach is growling, I love my breakfasts, where am I? I am not home, my room mate doesn’t wake up on time to make breakfast neither do I, so we always end up eating late breakfast at a café near our house but right now I am not at that café and this room smells delicious, oh yes! I am not in my apartment in Kathmandu, I am in some other city for work and I am sleeping on a hotel bed, I just woke up, did I share this room with someone? No, so who ordered my breakfast? Why does this seem like a Sherlock Holmes puzzle, think Arpita how did your room end up smelling so delicious? I jump out of my bed at the thought of it, damn right it is his hotel! He is so sneaky, just because it is his hotel doesn’t mean he can enter someone else’s room, how did he even manage to do this, oh! Yes owners have access to every room, they have a master key seriously I am going to sue him for invading my privacy if not I will just give him a piece of my mind when I see him. I am famished, I didn’t eat last night, he remembered that’s why this elaborate breakfast, I smile, any girl would smile!

Let’s see what we have here hash browns, bacon strips, scrambled eggs, toasts, fruits, coffee and diet coke, diet coke for breakfast? Obviously he has figured out my addiction very swiftly, impressive Mr. Rana but what was he thinking do I look like I eat for five people? Oh! There is a note as well, nice touch:

Hold your thoughts right there just because I own this place doesn’t mean I have access to every room, I am not one of those creepy hotel owners. You didn’t eat last night and I know you love waking up late so I went through the liberty of sending you breakfast, since you don’t have to work today take your time finish your breakfast, go to the spa everyone’s looking forward to de-stressing Arpita mam, if you need me call my cell, I am not in my room.

PS Happy birthday, you think I wouldn’t find out, hope you like your gift that is if you can find it. I will pick you up at 5 and we will go celebrate you getting old.

Nischay

Think of the devil and my phone rings.

What’s that noise, where am I again?

Something is ringing continuously, my ears or my brain? Someone stop that irritating sound. My head hurts, I am parched, feels like I haven’t drank water in ages. I don’t want to get out of bed, water, I need water. Will it just stop ringing! I don’t feel so good, my stomach is on fire. I forcibly get out of my bed and drag myself to the kitchen. Water never tasted so good mmm, I need aspirin as well, my head seriously hurts. Its 7 already, I need to get ready for work, fix myself some breakfast, it’s going to be a long day. 

Holy cow, what happened to me last night? That girl standing in front of the mirror, she is not me. Was I crying? - Oh! Lord what happened? WHAT DID I DO? I shout, I literally shout. I am sure I did something stupid, damn it! Arpita Sharma, I will spank you if you have done anything stupid yells my subconscious. Did I call any one? Oh my god, it’s not my ear or my brain ringing, my blackberry has been ringing, who did I call? I should go check, why do I drunk dial, no why on earth do I drink?

Unenthusiastically I walk towards my phone. Who did I call yesterday? No one, I didn’t drunk dial, I am proud of you Arpita, so what did I do? I emailed Nischay to remind him that I exist-oh! Yes Nischay and that girl, he is in love with her, no wonder he didn’t reply back, no wait he did. SHIT- I sent drunken emails to him, I want to go jump off a cliff. He called, three emails from him, almighty-help!

I have the same nauseating feeling I had last night, my mouth doesn’t taste good, I think I am going to throw up. Not here-bathroom. I run to the toilet and throw up in the most unlady like manner.  I should call in sick, then clean the mess I made last night. What will I say to him? Nischay I was drunk, jealous, vulnerable, lonely, I think I am in love with you or seeing you with that girl made me realize that I am in love with you. Is this love? I think it’s my insecurity and loneliness talking. Call work- I have food poisoning, can’t make it to work today. My boss is very sweet, she likes me, I don’t have to worry about work, emails- now, read the emails:

To: Arpita Sharma

Subject: huh?

Date: 4/25/2012

From: Nischay Rana

She is a friend. Why are you even bothered?  What do you mean by wait for you to come around? I waited for almost two fucking years, did you come around? If you didn’t come around then, why should I expect you to come around now? Yes, I am dating her, happy?

He is angry, it’s my fault. I should apologize.  I am just having a psychotic break because I saw their picture. I should read the other two emails before I say or do anything

To: Arpita Sharma

Subject:

Date: 4/25/2012

From: Nischay Rana

What do you think of yourself? Did you email me because you saw me wrapped in some woman’s arm? You don’t even have the right to ask me who she is, you don’t! You are one selfish person, you don’t care about me, you only care about how you feel and how I make you feel. Did you ever think  how my feelings were hurt, how rejected you made me feel and still I was around because I loved you- I still do, but I don’t feel the same way for you. You are selfish; you will never learn to love me. How does this make you feel? Sad? GOOD! I am so fucking pissed right now

To: Arpita Sharma

Subject: Why?

Date: 4/25/2012

From: Nischay Rana

Now you don’t want to reply back, seriously? Everything has to be about you, even now? Answer you stupid phone, I have been calling you like crazy, we need to sort this out right now. Are you fucking drunk and passed out somewhere, that’s the best you can do to escape your problems, when will you learn to face them? You are such a loser, get your ACT together. I am done with you, for EVER!

He hates me, I have hurt him again. He is never been so mad at me, I can imagine him pacing around his room,  calling me every minute, checking his email every minute, what have I done? I think I just lost him- I am such a fool, I lost the only man who didn’t want anything from me but in return gave me everything, I have lost him. I don’t know what to say to him, I think I am going to cry. I miss him, he hates me, I have lost him. I start to sob, I choke in tears and still I sob, I can’t seem to stop crying, what have I done? May be he will forget all of this in a few days; I should give him some time.  My thought process is disturbed with the sudden ringing of my phone, I ignore it as much as I can but it continues ringing. I check to see who is calling- it’s him! He will call until I answer, it’s now or never Arpita.

“Hello” I say

“Finally” he says

And then we both press our mute buttons. Is he going to say something or am I supposed to say sorry. I don’t want to aggravate him further; I will wait for him to speak.

“You are the only girl who treats me like a non existent garbage bag”  Nischay says with a sad face.

I laugh- non existent garbage bag- “I am special and I know you love it when I treat you that way” I say

“I love you in any form, any manner, anything you say or do I will still love you, I just  don’t understand what’s wrong with me, why don’t you feel the same way for me?”  He means it, his face says it all. I am not ready , I am still recovering.

“ Nischay, you mean everything to me, if we had met under different circumstances I would have said yes in one breath but I am leaving and we both know long distance relationships hardly work out, I am not the right girl for you, you will meet some one better”

I told him he would meet someone better, he did I should just let this go. I have to let it go, it’s time. I have to let him go.

“Nischay, I am sorry about last night” I say, I don’t want him to speak, if he does I will be weak, I want him to hear me out first.

“I didn’t know how to react when I saw her with you, I felt as if some one took out a piece of heart and stomped on it, I am sorry, I want you to be happy, always” I add. I don’t want to cry, why is this so painful? Do I love him? Yes, Arpita you do. When did I fall in love with him? This cannot be happening, not now. I never thought of him that way or did I? Subconsciously or unconsciously I did and now it’s all coming to life, I love this guy and he is on the other end about to tell me he wants nothing to do with me, I have screwed up real bad this time.

“I am very sorry if you want I will apologize to her as well, I will even add her on face book, be very good friends with her” I blurt out

“Shut up” he says

“I didn’t call to hear what you have to say” he says sternly

“Okay” I say almost choking

“Do you love me?” he asks

WHAT?  Yes, I think I am crazy about you.

“Why?” I ask, this is going to make him angrier

“Answer” he demands

“I think so” I say

“You think so, are you not sure?” he says

He is such an asshole, he never makes it easy for me. What does he want me to do declare my love for him from roof tops, even if I do that he is not here to hear it and it really doesn’t even matter now, why does he want to know?

“Does it matter if I am sure or not?” I ask, I don’t care even if his anger aggravates further

“It does, Arpita for once make it easy for me, and it’s a simple yes or no question” he says firmly

“Yes, I am crazy about you, took me almost 2 years to realize it but I am madly in love with you and I can’t stand the thought of you with any other woman, there I said it happy?” I shout over the phone

“Extremely” he says

“What?” I ask

“Remember Suraj she is his girlfriend” he says dryly

Seriously? Suraj’s girlfriend, I went crazy over his friend’s girlfriend and he took this opportunity to make me confess, JERK!

“So what do we do about it Miss. Sharma?” he asks, I can hear him smile. I smile.

“I don’t know” I say making sure the irritation in my voice is heard

“First of all, I was getting ready to date other women, I have plenty of girls running after me just so that you know and just so that you will be on your toes. Arpita, I love you, I think I have loved you ever since the day I laid eyes on you” he says.

Idiot, he is laughing. He is happy. I am ecstatic: I want to summersault, scream, I have this big grin plastered on my face. He loves me, he always has.

“You better behave” I say

“You better behave as well, by the way, I might have a surprise for you, don’t ask me what it is now, you will get the surprise soon”. He says

Surprise? Is he coming here? I so want to ask him but I will wait, the surprise better be good,  he loves surprising me and his surprises have always been good. He is coming to see me, please god!  I love him.  Nischay my Niscahy- I love you, I can’t believe that I actually love you.

Part-1

I have this nauseating feeling, I can’t breathe, my heart is beating really fast, there is this uneasy feeling in my stomach, everything was fine just a minute ago, why is this happening all of a sudden. I sit, feeling uneasy and nauseated staring at my lap top, my breathing is getting shallow, I can hear myself breathe, my heart pounding in my throat, and still I can’t take my eyes off my laptop, why? Oh why? I ask myself, I never thought this would hurt, we were not lovers, we were just friends, very good friends, so why is this giving me an uneasy feeling? I should be happy for him, he would be happy for me if I find love, of course he would, I can’t keep my eyes off my lap top screen. Shit! My lap top is so mean, why can’t it turn off itself sensing my uneasiness.  This is not doing me any good, I should just turn off the mean machine, for the first time it has a bewildering effect on me. Who is she? Why does she have her arm wrapped around him? Damn you technology! why do people post pictures? Why did I type his name, why did I want to see him, because I missed him, obviously but there she is sitting cozily with him dressed in a white almost satin looking dress, and he looks happy! Who is she? Why am I even bothered? I never gave him a chance when he was into me, so he decided the only way to be with me was to be my friend, and so he did, he became a good friend, but I can’t seem to accept the fact that he would replace me, he would move onto someone else so quickly, it’s only been a year, One fucking whole year, we were not in love, he is not moving on, we were never there, he doesn’t have to move on.  I need to email him, I need him to know I exist, I am not dead and I still think about him, and I need to know if he thinks about me time and again, yes email, oh technology, can’t live with you, can’t live with out you. So here it goes, email him, yes !

To: Nischay Rana

Subject: I still exist

Date: 4/24/2012

From: Arpita Sharma

I still exist, hey youJ

The amazing

A

I move the mean machine’s cursor around the screen should I send it? Send, shouts my subconscious. Send. I stare at the clock on my wall and realize I have been sitting still in front of my mean machine for almost half an hour, no response, he might be busy, he is a busy man or he might be with her- with her? I decide to divert myself, this wait argh  is killing me! I get up and walk towards the kitchen, open the refrigerator and get out the only bottle of wine, Chardonnay, chilled white wine can never go wrong. I greedily pour myself a glass, take the first sip, this is what I need to calm down. I am down to my second glass savoring each sip lost in it’s bitter yet sweet taste suddenly from the corner of my room I hear my blackberry buzz who might it be?  Reluctantly I get up, and from the side table get my blackberry, there is an email- from him! I smile, do I even want to read it, of course I do.  I am already tipsy, I won’t read, if I read I have to write a reply and I should not be writing drunken emails. Fuck- who cares! I will smoke first.

To: Arpita Sharma

Subject: You know how to get a man’s attention

Date: 4/24/2012

From: Nischay Rana

Dear Miss Amazing A

I am surprised you are still sharp with words? I thought you were losing your touch. How are you? How are the Americans treating you? Mighty fine, I guess (I am smirking as I am writing this)

Yes, you still exist, I am glad you do. There is so much to tell you.

Can’t wait

The more amazing

N

I hate him. I frown at his email So much to tell me- god, is it about her, someone kill me!  I need a drink, I would rather drink and I need another cigarette.

I have almost emptied one whole bottle of Chardonnay, crap I have work tomorrow. I am drinking because of him and the white dress bitch. This is the alcohol talking; I don’t even know her to call her a bitch, why does she have her arm around him? He has never taken a picture with me, seriously we don’t have a picture together. My head is buzzing- crap!

“Hey, Arpita, been a while, how are you?” my friend Mukul jumps off his chair to hug me, gently he gives me air kisses and I smile.

“I have been good, here to meet a friend, but she is keeping me waiting” I smile shyly.

“Come join us” he says with a big grin.

I look at the two men sitting with him, looking at me expectantly.

“It’s better than sitting alone” I mutter.

Mukul smiles as I sit-  silence then  starts to get a little awkward-is he going to introduce me or I am supposed to say “hello I am Arpita” or I am supposed be rude and not say a word. It’s good to be surrounded my men at this time in my life, I just broke up, actually I was dumped, me dumped? Yes. I loved that man, I still do. Tears prick at the corner of my eyes at the thought of him, I try to hold the explosion of sobs I have been having for the past 15 days, not here Arpita, not in front of them. Someone say something; help me before I drown all of you in my pool of tears. I am lost.

“Hello, I am Nischay and that’s Suraj”, he smiles his shy smile- Thank god, thank you, Nischay whoever you are for diverting my attention.

“Mukul doesn’t know his manners, so I will oblige, can I err we get you a drink?” he smirks

“No” I say with a straight face.

“Come on one drink” Nischay insists, and I can almost see an arrogant smile twitch at the corner of his lips.

I am celebrating my singlehood and mourning being dumped one drink is not going to kill me.

“Cosmopolitan” I say arrogantly. I need to pee, “excuse me, I need to use the rest room” I say, I am still thinking about him, I don’t want to ruin this evening, please Arpita you are not going to cry, not in front of them and not in the rest room.

As I am getting off my chair “here” says Nischay handing me a tissue, a soft tissue. I look at him quizzically; “to make sure your eye makeup stays in shape” he smiles his arrogant smile. How does he know I am about to cry, is it that obvious, I glare at him, he is giving me his hey-caught-you look, then I  look at Mukul and Suraj, they are indifferent, staring at him, at me quizzically.

“Thank you” I hiss and stomp off to the rest room.

What is his problem? Arrogant man, ill mannered, my subconscious shouts. Breathe Arpita, breathe, I look at myself in the mirror, I look pale, very pale, I need some food in my system, I look unhappy. I am unhappy. He dumped me, the man that I loved with all my heart dumped me, I don’t think I can ever love again. Control yourself Arpita! Don’t you dare cry for that asshole, you are done crying, you hear me? Yells my subconscious, she is wearing a pencil skirt, 4 inches heel, she is looking hot, don’t cry she says again. Yes, control myself. Arpita, go pee. I stand looking at myself in the mirror, pale, goodness I look pale. I need some lipstick. I walk out of the restroom heavy hearted, I can do my crying at home.

Smile. I smile and walk out the rest room, my drink has already arrived and everyone is waiting for me.

“Your phone’s been ringing off the hook” says Mukul, “might be your friend” he adds

Finally! She might have messaged me; I need to check my phone. Oh! there is a text from her

Srijana

Hey, I tried calling you, you didn’t answer. I am stuck at work, can’t make it today, don’t be mad L

I knew she would ditch me, she is so inconsiderate.  I am not going to reply back, she should know I am mad.

“Is your friend coming?” asks Nischay.

Seriously, why is he even bothered? He is too nosy!

“No” I answer irritated, “she is stuck at work” I add.

I hate her (no I don’t) she is my best friend, but I need her, this is the time I need her the most and here I am sitting surrounded by testosterone. Why is he looking at me that way?  I am sure he is going to say something, I have sat with him for only half an hour and I already know he has a smart mouth.

“Great, you will get to be in the pleasure of our company!” he says smiling.

Uh no. I would be anywhere but here, he is such a smart ass.

I smile.

I miss him, I wish he was here. I can’t seem to get over him. He was not a good man snarls my subconscious, he never treated you right, don’t miss him Arpita.

“By the way how is Akash? Haven’t seen you guys around for a while” asks Mukul.

Oh! Mukul, why do you have to talk about him, he dumped me, he found some one else, after three years he decided he was not in love with me anymore.

Tears fill my eyes as I answer him “We broke up, it’s been almost two weeks”

“oh! I am sorry” Mukul says, I can see he is genuinely sorry, he knew how much I loved that man.

“Why?” asks Nischay.

Why? You nosy man, why do you want to know?

“Because we fell out of love” I say and all of a sudden tears start to fall. Control yourself, please don’t cry, not here.

“Here” the nosy man hands me another tissue.

“I should go” I say as I try to hide my sadness.

“No” says Mukul, “you are staying. You never listen to me Arpita, at least today let me be a good friend”

I oblige.

I finish my Cosmopolitan in one gulp. I am going to have fun, get sloshed.

“Tequila shots” I shout excited.

Nischay calls the waiter, orders one round of shots and then another and another.

 5 shots, my head is buzzing, I haven’t had anything to eat, I have lost my appetite. I think I am going to throw up, shit!

I try to get up from my chair, but I can’t move, my legs feel like jell-o.

I can see the boys are busy talking about Nischay’s hotel business, I can only make out that’s he is rich, super rich. Rich men are assholes and I don’t care.  I need to get to the rest room, damn it! I think I am going to throw up here. Suddenly I feel someone helping me get up, is it Mukul? No it’s that nosy dude.

“Here, let’s go to the rest room” he says. I am in no condition to fight or say no, I take his hand and  follow him.

“If you try any hanky panky you nosy man I will kick you where it hurts” I say in my very drunken voice. I can hear him laugh.

“No I won’t try any hanky panky with you Miss.Sharma, I can’t believe you think I am nosy, by the way how will you kick me when you can't stand straight?” he says dryly and laughs. He holds my hair while the insides of my stomach come out through my mouth-disgusting.

“You haven’t had anything to eat?” he says

I am throwing up and you are talking about food?

“No” I say

After I am done throwing up and embarrassing myself in front of this nosy stranger he takes me back to our table, makes me gulp down almost 10 glasses of water, I don’t remember, and forcibly makes me eat. Mukul is ready to drop me home but his girl friend shows up, so Nischay volunteers to take me home. I don’t want to go with this nosy man, I will stay here.

“Come” he says

I stay quiet; he is holding me as I walk, seriously why are my legs so wobbly?

“Some first impression you make on a man, Miss. Sharma” he says “and don’t worry no hanky panky” he adds and laughs again

What’s so funny, nosy asshole!

My blackberry buzzes again, and from the thoughts of my past I am brought back to my present, and I am drunk, how ironical. I check my blackberry and there’s an email from him again.

To: Arpita Sharma

Subject: Are you not responding to my emails deliberately?

Date: 4/24/2012

From: Nischay Rana

Are you making me wait for your response? Don’t disappear on me again Arpita

Disappear on him again? He is the one wrapped up in that woman’s arm.

To: Nischay Rana

Subject: Who is she?

Date: 4/24/2012

From: Arpita Sharma

No, I don’t want to talk to you all of a sudden. Who is she? The girl in that picture?  Are you dating her? You couldn’t wait for me to come around?

Send!

I am tipsy, I am going to regret all of this tomorrow. Fuck- did I send that email, yes I did. I cannot undo it now, I am so STUPID.  Oh god, some one kill me right now. Why isn’t he replying back, I am sure he is mad, shit what if she is reading my emails, what if she is with him. Shit! Shit! Shit! I don’t have the energy to wait for his reply, my head is buzzing, I think I am going to pass out.

Nishay, my Nischay!