“Am I not pretty?” she asked, “you are one of the prettiest
girls I have seen till now” he said, “Am I not smart enough?” “Yes, you are,
you are smart, funny, talented, endearing, you are everything a man would seek
in a woman” he answered, “So why can’t you find your woman in me?” she asked
again, he smiled and said “Why, would you want to be with a man like me, I am
an average guy, with average personality, average look, average job and an
average life style, I am a loner, I
cannot give my heart readily to just anyone, my heart’s been broken, and I
don’t want to make it strong, I love it this way, I love this pain, I am used
to it, I don’t think I can live with out it. Every time you walk in through the
doors of my office, my heart takes a leap, every time you are not around, my
eyes look for you, every time the door opens, I imagine you walk in, when you come say hello, I feel special, I
pretend not to acknowledge your presence, but seeing you even for mere minutes, makes my day, makes my evening,
you are different, so different it scares me to think about being your man, you
have been through a lot, and I don’t want to be one of the reasons to cause you
stress, to make that beautiful smile disappear. This is such an irony, every
bone in my body tells me, to fall for you, to take you by the hand and show you
a different world, to just kiss your beautiful lips, and get lost in the depth
of your eyes, I can’t, I can’t allow myself to do that, I like you, I don’t
show it, it scares me and I start acting indifferent”
There was an awkward silence, they sat in front of each
other, he looked at her and she looked away. It was a cold night, everyone
preferred to sit inside, there was no one around, just them and silence, that
filled the air. She fiddled through her purse, took out a pack of cigarettes,
as she about to light a cigarette, he took away the pack from her hand and
said, “I thought you quit smoking”, she ignored him, and started to smoke, he
added “It’s your lungs, I don’t care, if you don’t care, but don’t give me cancer,
try not to smoke in front of me” she ignored again.
The first time she saw him, he was standing right in front
of her, he smiled at her and said hello, she didn’t know what to say, so she
walked away, didn’t even give him a
smile or a nod. She saw him almost
everyday, gradually she started getting fonder of his face, his silent
demeanor, his smile, and she basically was growing fonder of him. He never
said, hello, or even smiled at her after the first incident, and neither did
she bother to say anything. She was drawn towards him, she didn’t know why and
how but she felt a pull, every time she saw him. Here and there, she would
muster up the courage, to say “hi” and he would give her a straight face. Now
and then she would catch him looking at her, she would get nervous and pretend
to be doing something important.
She felt he was attracted towards her, she knew just the way
she was drawn towards him, he was drawn towards her as well and she knew well
he would never take the initiative. You watch movies, and you see the hero, run
after his love, fight for her, and finally make her, his. But this was no
movie; this was a real life story. They were two completely different people,
she was new to this country, and he was a well brought up American boy, she had
very few friends, she was just starting out, she didn’t have a life, he never
was short of friends, and his life was worth living in her eyes.
She knew she had to get to know him; she wanted to know what
made him happy, and what didn’t. Everyone told her, she shouldn’t be pursuing a
man, she wasn’t pursuing him, she would never ask him out, she knew if she did,
flat out he would say no, she knew if she stayed as a friend, she would have
him for a long time.
It was not love that she felt for him, she could see it in
eyes, the sadness and the melancholy. His eyes had a peculiar charm, they were sad but
pretended to be happy. At times she felt if only she could read those eyes, and
if he knew. Time passed by, she finally
got him to talk, she shared her emotional traumas, he shared his dreams, she
made him laugh, he made sure she knew she could make him laugh.
They knew there was a force that pulled them towards each
other, they had this tension, physical and emotional every time they were in
front of each other, there were awkward moments, and awkward silences, and he
knew he made her nervous, but he never admitted she made him nervous as
well. He knew, she liked him and he
always tried his best not make her feel he liked her, but she knew he did, he
was either in denial or he just didn’t want to admit it.
“I am drawn toward you, I don’t know what it is and I don’t even
want to know, I just want you to know,
that I get butterflies in my stomach, every time I see you, you don’t have to
like me back, but I just want you to know” she said. He just stared at her, not
knowing what to say he got up and walked away. A week later she messaged him
and asked him to meet her, so here they
are, sitting in front of each of other, not letting the cold bother them, not
letting the awkward silence engulf the moment, they are here, because they
care and neither wants to walk away.
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