“It’s raining!” I exclaimed, excited, as if I had never seen
rain before
“Yes, I can see, it is raining” he replied, not as happy as
me
I sat on a bench, next to the gazebo where he ran for cover,
he is not the kind of person who would love getting soaked in the rain. I
wanted the rain to infuse my hair, my
eyes, my face, my body, as I sat on that bench getting soaked from head to toe,
I regretted coming to see him. May be expecting to see the same smile on his
face when he saw me before was totally wrong, he was indifferent, my presence
had no effect on him and that hurt.
“You will catch cold, come here” he yelled
I sat there with out moving, pretending not to hear when
people tell me something is my forte, and hence, I just sat there.
“I don’t want you falling sick, I have better things to do
than take care of you, stop acting like a child Arpita, when will you grow up?”
For a moment there I was ready to get up and walk to him,
but something in me told me to stay put, I can be stubborn as hell when I need
to, he was right I was acting like a child, I would rather fall sick and go
back home than listen to him, my ego always gets me in trouble. My mind was
wandering aimlessly, I didn’t even realize he was standing in front of me,
getting drenched, he didn’t look happy.
“Let’s go”
“I am enjoying this, you need to loosen up, standing in the
rain for a while won’t kill you”
“And you need to grow up”
“You don’t need to tell me that”
“Arpita”
“Nischay”
“You are crazy”
“And you are a tight ass”
He laughed, I don’t even know what that means, I can be
pretty creative.
“Let’s go, please, I beg you, I am not asking or ordering
you, I am begging you, please”
I made my face, an expression that lets people know when I am forced to do
something, I do it because I don’t want people nagging me, its just that I make
my face when I do it, just to get the message across, I pout, my nose is all
wrinkled, and I squint my eyes, that’s the expression. I look horrendous, but
who cares.
He walked ahead of me, he knew I was not going to run to the
car, we were already soaking wet, so 5 more minutes in the rain would be more
or less the same.
We walked to his car with out saying a word. He opened the
car door for me, the ignition was on, “where to?” he asked
“I don’t know”
“Lets go home and change first, than we will go get dinner
or something, I have to meet Serena later tonight, she is going to Boston with her friends
for a week”
Serena, as soon as her name came up, I stayed quiet. I am
not the jealous type, I haven’t even seen her and I am hating her already, I
have hated many women because they were and are associated with my
Nischay. Nischay is mine, was always
mine, some other girl cannot barge into his life, she cannot replace me, can
she?
“Hey” he nudged me
“What?”
“What do you want to do?”
“Nothing”
“Arpita, stop acting like a child again, please, are you
here to spend some time with me or are you here to pout?”
“Both”
He laughed again, I like it when he laughs, he makes me want
to laugh as well, what is it about him, I can’t move on no matter how hard I
try. I have dated so many men, or let me say tried to date, every time they
held my hand, kissed me or told me they loved me I imagined Nischay, and when
he came forward and confessed his feelings I ran away, I pushed him away and
now I am back, hoping- hope is all I have.
I don’t know why I am here, Philadelphia, whatever I was
thinking wanting to come here, I remember his surprise when I called him out of
the blue, we both were silent for a while and he said “good to hear from you”
than I told him I had to see him, I needed to see him, he said okay, come, with
out even asking why, I guess he knew already, we share this bond, its hard to
describe what it is, we want to move on but we go round and round the same circumference and come back to the
center, at times he comes back and pulls me there or I come back and pull him
there. This time it’s me. All of this started because of me, and I have to find
a conclusion to us, for both of us, that’s the only way we can be happy, with
or without each other.
We reached his place, it’s on the third floor, Nishay is
pretty neat, so his apartment is always clean, refrigerator is well stocked, he
is not a big fan of diet coke, but since I am here, his fridge is piled up with
it. We both were soaking wet and it was a little cold in his apartment, I
started to shiver, he came to me took my hand and rubbed it, I know it was
stupid of me but I pulled my hand away, I wanted to caress his face, his
beautiful face that always makes my heart beat fast and slow at same time, I
was sitting on a couch and he was kneeling in front of me, with his fingers he
tucked my wet hair behind my ears, “you will catch cold, go change” he said
“don’t interrupt this moment, I have been waiting for this
for a long time, I’ve missed you so much” I said
I leaned towards him, our lips were almost touching, his
warm breath warming me from the inside, the tingly feeling in my stomach was
making me breathe heavily when his phone rang, “don’t answer” I said, but it
continued ringing, “please” I said but he got up and answered it, that’s
Nischay.
“Yes, I will see you before 7”, “okay, I will try, I have to
tell you something as well” “bye, me too”, this is all I heard him say, I
figured it was Serena, she must have
asked him to meet her and at the end she must have said I love you and
hence he said me too. He loves her.
“I need to shower ” he said
I smiled.
“You need to change as well, I need to meet her and her
sister for dinner, I am sorry, I might not come back, will you be alright?”
He might not come back and I came here to see him. He
doesn’t care about me, he would rather leave me alone and spend the night with
her, I get it, I am not that dumb.
“Don’t worry about me, I will explore this city”
“Thank you, I will see you tomorrow”
And that was it, our moment interrupted by her phone call. I
went to his room, my bags were inside his room, fiddled through my bag, took
out my red dress, it’s pretty short, full sleeve, with an open back, I look
ravishing in it, I was going to go out, have fun and find some one to talk to,
I was not going to stay here broken hearted. Then a thought occurred to me, may
be I should prepone my ticket, leave tomorrow, when I think of something I just
do it, I am very impulsive and hence I did it.
He came out of the shower, I just froze there, that tingly
feeling in my stomach was back. We’ve known each other for long, but we’ve
never shared a room or stayed together even for a day, it was uncomfortably
intimate. I ran inside the bathroom before anything showed in my face. I got
ready, he was waiting for me, I came out, he was busy using his phone, he
didn’t even notice me come out
“ I am ready”
He looked up and didn’t say a word for a while
“You look amazing”
“Thank you”
“So what are you planning to do?”
“Umm, nothing, get dinner, go to a bar, get something to
drink and come back”
“Take my car, I will get a cab”
“No, no it’s not necessary”
“Arpita”
“Nischay”
“Take the key”
“Okay”
“See you tomorrow”
And so we parted ways, I should have told him, I might be
leaving tomorrow, but it wouldn’t matter to him anyways.
I opened the door to his car, the driver’s seat was still
wet, his car had a peculiar smell, the
smell was soothing, yes, it smelled of
Nischay. I drove around for a while and stopped at this place called “The Hard
times” took me 15 minutes to find a parking spot. That place was pretty nice, I
saw a lot of good looking men, so I knew I was at a good place. I headed
straight to the bar, and ordered a Cosmopolitan, I am such a girl. Nischay must
be busy kissing her, caressing her face, she must be feeling him every where,
kissing him everywhere, even there, I shouldn’t even be thinking about that, I
need to get my mind off of it. I was on my second glass, when this guy came and
sat next to me, he asked for a beer and a glass of Cosmo, I didn’t realize but
it was for me. We started talking, his name was Jeff, we didn’t have much in
common but he was hot. I was already a little tipsy and one thing led to
another before I realize we were wrestling with our tongues, it felt good to
not think about Nischay. I invited him back to my place- Nischay’s place, I
opened the door, he had already unzipped my dress, I took it off and left it in
the living room floor, he carried me and we were on Nischay’s bed, we were up
all night, it had been a while may be I
was into it because a part of me felt that I had lost Nischay for good.
I was sleeping when I heard Nischay call my name, “why is
this dress on the floor?” I woke up
startled and saw that guy sleeping on his bed, next to me, I don’t even
remember his name, and I was naked. Nischay opened the door, looked at me, he
had a bouquet of yellow roses in hand my favorite flowers and Starbucks. At
first he looked puzzled, then his face grew angry, he threw the roses and coffee on the floor and
yelled.
“Who the fuck is this motherfucker?”
I wanted to jump out of the bed, but I was naked, that guy
woke up, I couldn’t even remember his name.
“Who are you?” he said to Nischay
“Who the fuck am I? This is my bed, my place and that’s my
girl you fucked last night”
He said my girl you fucked last night, that was
disrespectful and how am I his girl when he spent his night with Serena?
That guy looked puzzled, he got up took his shirt and pants
started to walk towards Nischay, Nischay punched him out of the blue, his nose
started to bleed but he left with out saying anything. It was only Nischay and
me, I knew we were going to fight, I was ready.
“ Nischay, I can explain”
“You don’t need to explain, Arpita, you will never change,
you are a desperate slut, that is what you are”
“Watch your tone and don’t use such words Nischay, you went
to spend the night with her, did I say anything? How am I your girl, when was I
ever yours, not last night when you went to her and today I am yours all of a sudden?”
“I went to her to tell her I was in love with some one else,
I always have been, she told me to stay with her for one last time and I did,
nothing happened, she loves me Arpita and I for some reason chose you”
I froze, I couldn’t speak a word, I had to find something to
say, I was nervous as hell.
“I am sorry, I thought I had lost you forever”
“And so you go, find some guy bring him here, to fuck him,
that’s what you’ve been doing for a year now, fucking random men?”
“Nischay enough”
“No, you are a whore and I am sorry that I love you, I am
fucking sorry but you don’t deserve me”
He was shouting, yelling things like a crazy man, he was
calling me names- bitch, whore, slut, I was getting angry and emotional, I had
to stop him but he wouldn’t listen, so I slapped him, yes I did, than I got his
attention, I apologized, caressed his face and we kissed, first it was slow and
then it was aggressive, we were kissing our anger and hurt away and before we
knew it we were on his bed again. We made love that day, the entire day, he
told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I still love him you know
and he does too, we were always made for each other but took us forever to find
each other.
Love always finds it’s way, if its meant to be, it found us and
I hope it will always find us.
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